closeyoureyes

steelers

2006-09-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

Steelers were a bit disappointing last night. Ben didn't look too great, and their offense wasn't moving the ball at all. I think our offense is our biggest weakness this year, especially our running game. And if we can't get anywhere on the ground, I don't we'll be able to pass much either.
Defense was great though, really held together even though it got little rest and had to deal with two turnovers.
I still have hope that when Ben gets healthy our passing game will be better, but I'm not sure how our running game can really improve with who we have on the sidelines.

lehrer

2006-09-14T20:51:00.000-07:00

in his interview with Bill Frist, R-TX, says:

"Lemme make sure I understand what you're saying, Senator Frist, you're saying that the Democrats are waiving the white flag to the terrorists, and are surrendering? That's what they want to do?"

AH!
Granted, Lehrer's has the requisite incredulity that I would find appropriate in response to Frist's comments, but man. I just can't believe that such blatantly inflammatory and inaccurate rhetoric is being tossed around these days. Does anyone want to waive the white flag to the terrorists? Come on, now!

student council, identity

2006-09-14T17:27:00.000-07:00

I got elected to the 'student council' here, which is nice. I'm not really sure what kind of power the body has, but I'm more than willing to do all I can.
Also, a side-effect of seeing my peace corps friend recently was to throw my identity into question. I mean, just six months ago I was a completely different person: alone in a small village, working eight hours a day, spending almost all of my time alone, and pretty much lost as to who I was. Now, well, I at least project an image of being more-or-less put-together, although I guess if you look close enough you see the remnants of my past, maybe.
So, part of me wonders how stable and/or permanent the 'new' me is. I guess a lot of who we are depends on our context, and from that perspective the new me is in some sense here to stay. But might pieces of my history start showing more clearly? Only time will tell.

it's so early

2006-09-13T08:16:00.000-07:00

Class is starting, 8:15, come on now.
I feel better than I imagined I would. Went out and met some Peace Corps Volunteers in San Francisco, ate at this amazing veggie restaurant, Greens. So great. One of the best meals I've eaten in a long time (excluding Indian food, which is in kind of its own category for me).
Great conversation too. It was the first time since I've gotten back from El salvador that I've seen a volunteer, and it bought back some memories, bad and good. It's weird how much my relation to them was based on our common experience in El Salvador. I only know them in that context; 'us' in the states is a completely different entity. Still a nice one, of course, but I wasn't expecting our relationships to be so different. But I guess it makes perfect sense...

update

2006-09-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

Law school's going pretty well, I must say. It reminds me of the peace corps in that it's pretty much impossible to know what you're getting into when you join, so to some extend it's a matter of chance as to whether you end up in a place you like or not. And, in that respect, I feel that I've gotten pretty lucky.

Another reason that I feel relatively lucky is that I'm either ok or happy with (almost) all of my professors. Needless to say, many have been less fortunate. For me though, I feel blessed. I can stick with most of my profs, find them pretty interesting.
Activities haven't started up yet, and that should both be really interesting and maybe make life more stressful. We'll have to see how that goes...

one week down

2006-09-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

So, first week is done. My reflections: first couple of days was really tough. Readings, scary classes, intense classmates. Then I broke out. Just tried to step back, take it easy, talk to some good friends. I'm feeling great now, but am also wary of these emotional swings.
I'm at my auntie's house now, and it's soso nice to be off campus. Also, it's wonderful to be with close family, as opposed to alone or with basically strangers on Stanford campus. I've even gotten a fair amount of work done here so far (and a delicious meal).
Not sure about other thoughts. I want to hold off any judgments about law school for a while. People say that the learning curve is steep; I've already felt that I read cases a million times better than I did before this week.
Oh yea, working out is still going fine. Been getting out every morning pretty much. And got a bike (which is scary to ride) so that I'll have a couple more minutes in the morning to get ready.
So, I hope to keep this blog up. Should happen.

moving in

2006-08-27T20:58:00.000-07:00

So I spent hours today cleaning my room/finishing moving in. It took a long time, it wasn't fun. But the place is so different now. I guess I knew it would be, which is what motivated me to clean it up. I spend a lot of time in my room because I study here, and so it was really important for me to have a clean place.
So anyway, let's hope that we can keep it this way...

good times

2006-08-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

So, classes start tomorrow. Big day I guess. We'll see how it goes.
Orientation has been pretty great. As I think I said before, these people are smart. So articulate, very skilled in argumentation. It makes me think and take my beliefs to a higher, deeper level, even though at times I want to just believe as I do without looking too close.
As fun as it has been though, I can completely see how the experience can/will be isolating. Especially work. It's hard, slow stuff. And even though everyone else is going through it at the same time, you're the only one in your own head.

orientation

2006-08-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day of orientation, and I must say that I'm pretty excited/optimistic about the whole endeavor. The people here are so smart. I mean, I've always been around people that are smarter than me, but never so many that are so much smarter. I feel truly blessed that I stopped defining myself by how 'relatively smart' I was, because by those standards I'd be feeling like a runt at this point.
At the same time, I am trying my darndest to keep my head on straight. As somewhat of a Buddhist, I think that we ought not get caught up in joys or sorrows; both have their time, both come and go, and we must remain calm and composed throughout. So, I recognize that there are some good things happening, more or less, right now, but still, I'm trying not to hype it up.
I also worked out this morning, weight workout. Went very well. Gym was pretty empty, but that very well may change once the undergrads get here. I hope that by hitting it at opening time (6:30) I'll be able to avoid the masses.

disturbing implications

2006-08-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

I've had the experience in the past couple years of realizing that the things I believe have implications that are difficult to accept.
The biggest example (at least in the past) was my beliefs regarding human autonomy (or its relative lack thereof). As I thought more and more about what it meant for humans to possess the degree of freedom that they do, I realized that other belief systems of mine had to be compromised, most noticably regarding morality.
I've had similar thoughts in recent days regarding moral relativism, in which I also believe. More specifically, I am beginning to understand that much work in international development (and social justice work in general) presupposes an idea of what is 'good.' For better or worse, many people who beleive in justice see a situation that they deem 'bad,' and then intervene in the attempt to make it 'better.'
On the one hand, I never saw this as too much of a problem because it doesn't seem too controversial to designate human suffering as 'bad.' Yet, the deeper I look and the longer I watch, the more I see that this may be just as controversial as any other moral question.

myth

2006-08-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

I've been watching this series of interviews with Joseph Campbell, and am finding it really fascinating. To me it's especially appealing because I don't believe in the absolute truth of any spiritual system, and thus am more amenable to analyzing religions in terms of 'myth.' In fact, from this viewpoint at least for me religioun can take on all the more powerful a meaning because I am recognizing it for what it is as opposed to simply writing it off for what it can never be.
I guess the problem, at least for now, is that I feel that my ideas are in a flux; I'm not quite sure about what I believe is good, or right, or the proper way to lead one's life. As much as myths can provide that for us, I guess I need to figure out some things first before I can fully embrace any grander stories about existence.

stilted

2006-08-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

It's been pointed out to me in the past that at times I have a stilted manner of speaking. When I am trying to express what seems to me is a very subtle concept, nuanced, somewhat vague, I tend to pause a lot in mid-sentence, choose words oddly, and sometime be unclear as to what exactly I'm trying to communicate.
To me, that's just par for the course. A lot of my thoughts are unclear, and there's no best way to express myself in words. And maybe my hesitation and breaks get across the point that, honestly, the issue isn't completely clear to me either. Things are complicated, right?
But at the same time, I imagine that it's a good skill, especially for a lawyer, to communicate clearly and without ambiguity. We'll have to see how that works out.

similar idea

2006-08-14T17:33:00.000-07:00

There was this yahoo group set up for incoming 1Ls at Stanford Law, and I was inspired to write a sort of 'mock intro' for myself, which went as follows:

"

On the lighter side…

Hello friends. My name is ------ and I’m from ---------. I’m often charged with “trying to be funny,” and this post will be no exception.

Some irreverent answers to questions I posed to myself:

1. What most excites you about living on the West Coast for the first time?

Well, from a very young age I was interested in gaining a deeper understanding of why it was that the Beach Boys’ lead singer Mike Love wished, and I quote, “they all could be California girls.”
When I first heard those lyrics as a brown-eyed, bushy-haired 6 yr-old, the first question that came to my mind was: “To whom exactly is the phrase ‘they all’ referring?” On face it seemed like M-Lo was speaking of all girls, thus wishing that all young females would be of the California sort. However, given everything I knew about Mickey L, my gut told me that he had something very different in mind, a much bolder yet somehow still understandable desire: that they ALL, that is to say, everyone in the entire world except Mike Love himself, be a Cali-girl. Why? Because that would make him and him alone the sole XY on the entire planet, perforce obliging him to repopulate the Earth by frolicking and gallivanting with hoards of CA XXs.
Needless to say, under this interpretation of the BeBoy’s immortal words, a thorough exploration of CA and all it has to offer seems like it’ll be a blast.

2. How did you first become interested in law?

It all started after seeing this movie called The Devil’s Advocate. As you may recall, in the opening scene Kevin Lomax - played by the endlessly talented Keanu Reeves - traumatizes this teenage witness on the stand by haranguing her about a disparaging picture she drew of her high-school teacher (Reeves’ client who is clearly guilty of molesting her), effectively destroying her credibility in the eyes of the jury. The really inspiring part, for me at least, was that even after viewing his client “self-gratifying” while hearing the teen recount the deeds of which he is accused, Reeves stays strong and sticks to his guns about what he knows is morally abhorrent although legally permissible, refusing to let his conscience get in the way of presenting his client’s case to the best of his ability.
Man, if some day I could be so dedicated to my work that my personal beliefs were irrelevant, then…well, wow. Mom and dad would be so proud.

3. Do you feel that come August you’ll be prepared for your first year?

To be honest, I was a bit nervous about being in a group of such smart and talented people at SLS, especially since it’s not quite clear why I was included. So to calm my nerves and to make sure I was as prepared as I could be, I did the following:

a. Attended “Law Preview” sessions from June 26-July 1 in Atlanta, July 17-22 in Boston, July 31-Aug 5 in Chicago, and August 7-12 in Philadelphia. (learned something new each time)
b. Wrote ingratiating e-mails introducing myself to all Stanford Law Faculty, the editors of the Law Review, and each of the 9 justices of the US Supreme Court (for whom I’d like to clerk next summer)
c. Was an actual first-year law student at University of Pittsburgh School of Law last year, to see what it’s “really” like, so that this time around there won’t be any surprises.

And you know what? Surprisingly, I feel pretty ready.

In closing, I’m living in ----- next year, I look forward to meeting you all, and I hope you found at least some of this amusing.
"

Again, a forum in which most people talked about themselves in a candid fashion. I just, I dunno, wanted to try and write something humorous. Maybe it's just because that's something I don't get to do often enough.

wedding toast

2006-08-14T17:16:00.000-07:00

This is the text of the toast I gave at my bro's wedding (with the names taken out, for no particular reason):

"
Hello, everyone.

I was actually out of the country when my brother asked me to make a toast today, and
We must have had a bad connection, because the first thing I thought to myself, was,
“Of course I can make toast man, if that’s what you really want.”
Alas, that’s not what he wanted, and uh, a lot of good bread went to waste,

Anyways, I’ve known my brother some twenty odd years, and one thing I’ve learned in that time is that he’s very intelligent, he’s a smart man. I first realized this when we were really young, because he wouldn’t pick on my like most older brothers do, instead he would deftly trick me intro picking on myself, ya know?
Like, when we were little, he had this game, where he’d be like, “----, Let’s see who can pull our underwear over our heads the fastest.”
I’d be like, riiiiiiiiiiiiiippp “I win! I win! Look at me! Yay!!”

Somehow I always won that game.

Anyway, I think that another illustration of my brother’s intelligence is his choice in a life partner. In all honesty, I really believe that ---- and -------- complement each other, ya know? I think that each one’s strengths will really be an asset to the other.
I can picture it in my mind now, both of them sitting at home in the evenings, my brother looking over a draft of -----’s latest book, debugging it, and -----, of course, pointing out the subtle yet telling post-colonial influences manifest in my brother’s software programs. It’ll be great.

Anyway, in closing, I’d say, ya know, to both of you, ------- and -----, I wish you the best of luck in the future. Take care of each other…uh, stay in school, doing good so far on that count.

And, Mom and dad, take note, get me one like her.

"

The one critique I heard about it, which I think is perfectly legitimate, is that strictly speaking it's not entirely accurate. The whole 'underwear game' is an entire invention, and it's not even clear that my brother really picked on me much when we were kids. The rest as far as I'm concerned is true.
I guess I took this point to heart because, in some sense, I decided to take the 'entertain' approach to it more than the 'communicate' approach. I'm not sure how else to put it. Maybe I felt that I didn't have much to say, so I'd just have fun with it?
Deeper down though, I think I have an aversion to taking certain (most) things seriously. I don't really know why. Also, I think that my strong interest in stand-up comedy made me anxious to try out writing some new material.

journey

2006-08-14T06:46:00.000-07:00

So I'm in CA now, Los Angeles to be specific. My brother's wedding reception was a coupled days ago, and I thought it was really great. It was mostly his wife's family and friends (given that we're from the East Coast), but regardless it was very well-executed, beautiful, and happy.
Things out here are just astonishigly different than from Uniontown, PA where I've been for the past couple months. There are a significant number of hispanic and east asians around; Uniontown has negligible non-caucasian populations. I guess New York was diverse also, but it's been years since I've been an undergrad, and since El Salvador was pretty homogenous also, it's been a while since I've been in a motley crew of any sort. In addition, the people here seem to be much more health conscious (and environmentally conscious, maybe even politically). The priorities just seem to be a bit different I guess, which is fine.
Random note: when I was in the airport on the way here, I was waiting in line at the gate to board the flight. At one point I put my bag down in line and sat in a chair to eat some food. When I got back in line, the person behind me got somewhat agitated because he I guess forgot I was there. I insisted that I had in fact been in line there, got back in that spot, and he was pretty unhappy about that.
As I waited in line, I quickly started wishing that I had just let the guy in front of me. One spot in line is just so irrelevant. And I think that my justification, that "I was right," was not a point I really needed to make or stand by. In fact, I've come to believe that it rarely leads me to act in ways that I fully endorse. Because honestly, so often it matters so little who's right and wrong in these sorts of social situations, and maybe we can instead just strive to maintain some peace and get along.

friends

2006-08-09T06:46:00.000-07:00

I talked to a really good friend last night from the Peace Corps, and I just find his approach to life amazingly inspiring. It's not that he motivates me to do my best, to change the world, or to keep getting up after being knocked down. He just shows me the wisdom of detachment, of having fun, being relaxed, takin it easy, chillin. I'm not sure I could embrace this ideology wholeheartedly, but it's a viewpoint that I've sorely missed in my education. There are always pressures to do all those things listed earlier, and it's hard to say that goals like 'changing the world' aren't worth pursuing. Still, I dunno. I'm not sure about the overarching morality of it all.
It's hard because I don't want to be 'lazy,' I want to 'contribute to society in a productive manner.' But it's those very ideas that sometimes seem probematic to me. Maybe the real problem is that I think too much, at least about abstract things.

irreconcilabe goods, continued

2006-08-03T15:50:00.000-07:00

Part of what motivated me to join the Peace Corps and what was inclining me toward going into International Human Rights law was a Utilitarian like view of morality, under which the good was unitary (the prevention of pain/suffering, or the promotion of happiness) and that it was our responsibility to maximize that good. More or less, under my reading of Utilitarianism (influenced by Peter Singer), humanity's greatest moral charge is the alleviation of global poverty, for people in the third world (and/or those whose human rights are routinely violated) experience the greatest amount of pain/suffering in the world.
Honestly, even at this point I think it's hard to argue against that view. but over time I became more and more disillusioned with it, mostly because under this sort of view, the vast majority of people come out as not living particularly moral lives. Granted, a lot of people don't live moral lives, but, well, a lot of people that seemed like pretty stand-up folks come out looking poorly under the Utilitarian view (as I interpreted it at least).
The examples are innumerable, so I'll try to just whittle it down to a principle: very few people, regardless of how civically active they are, or concerned about their neighbors, their family, or their nation, very few people take it upon themselves to fight global poverty. And well, I dunno, it's very hard to dedicate your life to that, and I think that saying that "being moral is sometimes hard" doesn't quite do justice to the issue at hand.
Which takes me to the meta-ethical principle that runs basically as follows: whatever the good is, it must result in a sizable proportion of human beings coming out as being good people. Lame maybe, but it's all I got for now.

wha???

2006-08-03T09:11:00.000-07:00

I was looking through some materials about law school, specifically about becoming a professor, and was surprised to find the following:

Over the last fifteen years, the criteria for hiring law professors have changed dramatically.
Traditionally, law schools were looking for applicants that:

• Attended an elite school
• Had been an officer on the law review
• Received exceedingly high grades
• Clerked for an elite circuit judge (2nd or D.C. Cir.) and preferably the Supreme Court

These attributes (or some of them) are still regarded highly by many faculty appointments
committees, but are increasingly less important. In their place, two other accomplishments are increasingly valued in the market. One is having a Ph.D. in an ancillary field of study. The other, more important one, is having already produced some scholarly work.

From time to time I've thought that teaching would be a good match for me, but my approach to getting there was (apparently) completely off. I figured that I needed to, more than anything else, get awesome grades and make law review. I understand why that's no longer the focus of the hiring, and I guess it's more important that I have 'research interests,' and write extensively. Glad I found this out early.

irreconcilabe goods

2006-08-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had one of those Java Chip blended drinks at Starbucks (after putting off the craving for months). One of the unintended consequences of this was having way too much energy for the rest of the day.
One result of this rush was coming to the belief that there are various irreconcilable goods to which humans may choose to strive to maximize in their lives, and there's really very little objective criteria upon which to choose any particular one. Not too surprisingly, I guess we all look at our own values and preferences and choose accordingly. (there's more to be said here, but I've only worked out the basics)

movie/book review

2006-08-01T12:22:00.000-07:00

My two-week netflix trial ended, and I was not entirely impressed. My biggest peeve was that some of the movies weren't stored in the nearest shipment facility (Pittsburgh), and thus I had to wait longer not only to receive the DVDs, but when I sent those DVDs back it took longer for them to recognize that I had in fact returned them. That being said, the subscription would still be a deal in that I would pay less if I watched a couple movies a month, they have a wide selection, and for the most part their delivery is quick. The biggest downfall I guess is that when I am most likely to get a movie is if I have a friend over or something, and we head out together and get something to watch. Or I guess any other "I want to watch a movie tonight" situations. I'm not sure if that's really enough to keep Blockbuster-type shops open, but at least in a lot of areas where fluency with the Internet is lower, I think the shops can still thrive.
The last two movies I watched were Maria Full of Grace and City of God. Of the two, which were both excellent, I preferred the first because it was a bit closer to my heart. I could not only understand most of the Spanish, but the these of immigration and the circumstances surrounding it resonated with my experiences in El Salvador. The one point that I felt important was that the main character leaves Colombia not because she can't make any money and is starving for work, but because she doesn't like the opportunities open to her and wants something better. Sometimes I feel that the mesage we receive about immigrants is that they are leaving a life of desperate poverty in order to have a chance to feed themselves; in reality, for better or for worse, the poorest of the poor rarely have the social or monetary capital to get anywhere, and the ones that do get out are the ones who have a sufficient if not excessive amount of both.
As to books, I just finished reading The Botany of Desire and The End of the Line, a book about the deindustrialization of a small town in Wisconsin. Both were decent, interesting, and worth reading. But my first thought after getting back into non-fiction is that there is just too much out there for me to learn about and I'm not sure where to start...

lull before the storm

2006-07-28T13:41:00.000-07:00

the past couple weeks have been just SO relaxing, with the movies and the books and the exercise (less the exercise). At times maybe I do feel self-indulgent, but then I remember that, starting in about 3 weeks, I will be studying and working non-stop for at least the next 3 years. Sure, I'll have vacation time, but summers will be spent working and, from what I hear, school time will be spent doing an insane amount of studying (at least for the first year or so).
As far as I'm concerned, gotta enjoy life while I can now, and hopefully then also.

pre-law thoughts

2006-07-28T06:10:00.000-07:00

As Law School's opening day nears, I can't help but think about 'what I'd like to accomplish' in my time there. There are the basics, the vitals as far as I'm concerned, which deal with trying to stay healthy, enjoying myself, pursuing my interests, and trying my best in school. But at the same time it's hard to get away from thinking about results that I wouldn't mind either, like doing really well in my classes, getting public service scholarships, maybe making law review etc.
It's this latter thinking that I find frustrating. Because as much as I may think about it, and will it, and wish it, it's simply of no use. I'll go in, I'll try my hardest, and we'll see what happens, right? If I don't have the knack for it, or more likely if I'm just not as smart as many of the other kids there, then well, so be it. It may be a knock to my self-esteem, but I'll just have to cope.
As an undergrad I got pretty good at just trying to learn and enjoy myself intellectually; I imagine I'll be able to do the same in CA.

first strike

2006-07-26T13:42:00.000-07:00

I got a haircut today, and the best part about it was that I did not go to the mall. I've been getting more and more anti-mall as of late, and pro-'local' shops. So I looked up barbers in the local phonebook, picked one that seemed like it was near me, and cold-called them.
Not that everything was as easy as going to the mall. When I first talked to the guy, I asked where his shop was, and he told me what street it was on (which I knew from looking in the phone book). The problem was that I didn't know where that street was. He gave me directions based on other landmarks (that I also didn't recognize) and we left it at that.
After not too long of a search, I found the place, parked on some random back road (I think unfortunately in someone's yard), and got a hell of a haircut. And I just felt good doing it. The guy had had his shop for like 40 years, real nice, owned the place himself. A good experience.
Local people work at the mall too, granted. Local people work at Walmart also, for that matter. I dunno, some part of me just sympathizes with the locally owned establishments, almost irrespective of their products...

more books

2006-07-25T16:11:00.000-07:00

Finished reading Invisible Man (by Ellison, not Wells) and Mystic River.
Of the two, I'd have to say I preferred Mystic River. Great story, great character development, great characters really. Plot moved really smoothly, nothing superfluous. All in all, very good.
Invisible Man, yes, it was about more serious themes. Not so much about the story. And it was certainly interesting (and from my puny understanding, groundbreaking) in it's portrayal and analysis of race. A valuable book without a doubt.
Up next...Lord of the Flies.

lying and lawyering

2006-07-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a bit about why lawyers are oftentimes thought to be unethical, and that the profession as a whole is not thought of as being wholesome.
One thing that came to mind is that in the field of law there is no certain connection between what you believe and what you are advocating. It is not the job or the responsibility of a lawyer to decide upon the guilt or innocence of his client; his task is basically to present to the best of his ability and within constraints of procedure his client's side of the case at hand.
There's nothing fundamentally wrong with that, but it is bothersome on face to argue for something, to try to convince others of the truth of something in which you yourself don't believe. That just seems to strike very close to 'lying' as a profession, the only difference being that as a lawyer people don't (or at least ought not) assume that you are professing your beliefs in the courtroom. But is that any solace? The only reason that people wouldn't consider you a liar is because they simply imagine that your words aren't connected to your beliefs in the first place?
(I define 'lying' as presenting one's beliefs as one thing while knowing that they are in fact another).

Book comments

2006-07-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading The Shipping News and The Name of the Rose recently.
The Shipping News was alright. What was most appealing to me was the rich, textured stories of all the people that the main character comes across, which fit nicely into the tale of Quoyle "looking for roots." What I liked least was that the plot was somewhat thin, but maybe that left space for the histories of everyone else.
As to The Name of the Rose, what a fantastic mystery novel. It's the first one I've read in a long time, and it was amazing, at least as far as the murder plot unravels. On the downside, there were rather lengthy digressions (I saw them as digressions) into various conflicts within the Roman Catholic church, which I found almost wholly uninteresting...
Next on the agenda, Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison.

Hero

2006-07-19T05:47:00.000-07:00

My free trial of Netflix finally kicked in, and I got Hero in the mail yesterday. AMAZING. I just loved it, like I loved House of Flying Daggers and will probably love Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.
Unrelated note: I love the Colbert Report as much as the next, but I'm not crazy about the guest portion. These guests come on in earnest and with a message, and Colbert (in his joking way) mocks them. Better put, he mostly just tries to get a laugh by disingenuously raising objections to whatever the guest is saying. Yes, he's parodying shows on Fox News that do the same.
This was most apparent to me when he had Margaret Thatcher on the show. Yes, she agreed to come on the show knowing what she was getting into. But still Colbert, gotta respect Margaret Thatcher, right?
I guess the only time I was ok with Colbert's approach to actual people was when he roasted Bush...

absurd?

2006-07-19T05:10:00.000-07:00

I recently read The Plague, by Camus, and was pretty taken by it. I looked up some info on him, and found this interesting passage about his thinking regarding "the absurd":

"the absurd, (at least in Camus’ terms)...expresses a fundamental disharmony, a tragic incompatibility, in our existence. In effect, he argues that the absurd is the product of a collision or confrontation between our human desire for order, meaning, and purpose in life and the blank, indifferent “silence of the universe.”

I don't think I'd go quite so far as Camus does, but I think his point is extremely valid. I guess we'd differ, if at all, in that I don't think the universe is entirely 'silent' to our desires. To some extent, most would agree, humans can modify the universe in order to better fulfill its desired role in human existence. For instance (along the theme of the book I read), medicine can prevent and treat many diseases that would be otherwise fatal.
Anyway, maybe my disagreement is minor. On other somewhat absurd news, I can't escape the feeling the situation in Iraq is simply appalling. And, however well-intentioned our initial efforts may have been, it seems clearly that the situation is mostly America's fault. What can we do about that? How can we recompense the thousands of Iraqi civilian lives that have been lost?

A break

2006-07-16T16:03:00.000-07:00

In my two years in El Salvador, my appetite for international news was insatiable. I think it went along with my experience: I was thinking about the world, my place in it, politics, economics, government. A time of exploration, learning, and theorizing.
As of late I find myself moving away from those intellectual endeavors. Not because I solved the issues at hand, and certainly not because I learned all there was to know. I think I just feel a little bit tired, mentally spent. I spent years thinking about these things, and maybe I need to spend some time thinking about something else. There's certainly a lot in life to think about, and I think I've moved on.
To what have I moved? Not so sure yet...

Somebody to lean on

2006-07-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

One thing that struck me as nice in India was that, sometimes, when older people needed a shoulder for support, they might just take it from a stranger. For example, when an older woman was putting her shoes on after leaving a tailor's shop, she put her hand on my shoulder to keep her balance.
My first thought was, "do I know you?" But on second glance, it was just sweet. Assumed. No big deal. Completely unspoken. She needed the support, and I was standing there. I'm some kid, she's my elder. I'm healthier.
This isn't just me idealizing that "small town feeling" where your stranger is your friend, although that is part of it. It was just...nice

I'm back

2006-07-14T17:08:00.000-07:00

Back from bout 23 days in the motherland. I went the whole time without using the Internet, the longest span in years. And I dunno, it felt nice. Just to relax, be alone. Also read a lot of fiction, for the first time in years. Fantastic stuff. Lot of good books out there.
Not sure what else to say. It feels odd to be back home again, probably still jetlagged. Maybe more concrete thoughts will come to me as I rest...

Last comedic contribution

2006-06-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

This is the last article I wrote for the PC journal. Some of the jokes are El Sal specific, but it's probably funny either way...

Life is Calling.

How far will she go?

A note to male heterosexual virile Peace Corps El Salvador Volunteers regarding female heterosexual pre-menopausal Peace Corps El Salvador Volunteers.

Gather round my herd, as I pass on lessons well-learned from my old wearied loins to your young potent groins.

The topic: Female Heterosexual Pre-Menopausal Peace Corps Volunteers (hereby abbreviated as FHPMPCVs).

My message: They’re all yours.

Now, you’re probably saying to yourself, “Vishnu, how could I ever stand a chance with one of those beleagueringly beautiful FHPMPCVs whose mugshot I’ve already deposited in the bank in the likely eventuality that I’ll have no ‘maritals’ for the next two years?”

Well, for all you skeptics out there, grab a beer, lend an ear, and release your fear cuz you’ll soon be all clear to get near to that rear. Right here’s no veneer for I am truly a seer of that which is dear to those whose career…

So.

List of advantages you have over most of the local men of El Salvador:

1. You Speak English

From my experience, FHPMPCVs like it when they feel like you truly understand them. Luckily, knowing their language gives you unparalleled insight into what exactly it is that they are trying to communicate. And although knowing women’s language is to understanding women as being an experienced quail hunter is to not shooting your friend in the face, a start is a start.

A second plus to having a general idea of the significance of the rhythmic pulsations that emerge from FHPMPCVs is that you totally have the edge when it comes to pick-up lines. El Salvador men often try to win the affection FHPMPCVs by saying things like, “Wha happened?” and by comparing them to miniaturized versions of their mothers. Unsurprisingly, most FHPMPCVs aint havin none of it. So the first thing you do when you see her is turn on a bit of the “Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?” and, I promise you, her uterus will literally fall out. (this is invariably a good thing, although a bit tough to stomach).

2. You have a college education

That’s right. You are a LICENCIADO. Which I see as an anagram for: “C? CE?! I DO NAIL.” And an acronym for LIke Cucumber ENtering Cucumber Into A Deep Organism.

But, being in the Peace Corps and all, you probably have a Liberal Arts degree. Ouch. Communications maybe? Political Science? FHPMPCVs s studies? What the heck does a diploma like that mean in this shrinking job market in which the only growing sector of employment is “service jobs.” (And no, we’re not talking about ‘public service,’ we’re talking about tele-marketin’ floor-moppin’ super-sizen’ service.) Who the heck wants to Dirty Sanchez or Eifel Tower with a guy with that kind of job prospects?

Here, we arrive at key, fundamental, pivotal point: your greatest asset with FHPMPCVs is that your relationship has no future. Many of the strappin’ strong locals get tantalized at the prospect that there’s a visa on the end of the olive branch that FHPMPCVs bring. You? You laugh at such Pollyannaish naiveté. Hell, chances have it you’re your relationship won’t last six months, let alone give rise to the possibility of future planning. Why is this a great thing? Because that 4-year bum-rush that resulted in a Philosophy degree with a 6-digit price tag is ‘bout to end.

3. You know dinamicas

It’s probably self-evident, but as a result of you and the FHPMPCVs’ similar training, you have a ton of quasi-erotic get-to-know-you-better games. The locals will be clueless when she puts folded-up pieces of paper inside balloons, turns on some music and tosses them gently in their direction. But not you: when she suggests that you and her line up in alphabetical order of last name without talking, you’ll have a load of hand gestures out which to whip. And when her favorite leisure dinamica, ‘basket/bridge/smile/driver/blender,’ leaves the Salvos clueless, you, you, YOU…well, let’s just say that you’ll keep her ‘smilin’ all night long.

4. You were declared free of Venereal Diseases relatively recently

Who knows where the local boys have been? And, to be real, who knows how long it took you to pass that “q-tip up the urethra” test? Procedural delays aside, however, you can rest easy now, because you are probably not infected with those diseases that very well may be transmitted to the FHPMPCV as a result of your intercourse.

I say this is important because FHPMPCVs, generally speaking, don’t like diseases. Cold soars on the mouth – BAD. Hurts to pee – REALLY BAD. Explosive diarrhea – NOT TOO GOOD (but not as bad as the others).

Ergo, because of your likely-not-as-contagiously-ill status, FHPMPCVs can trust you regardless of your past depraved debauchery.

5. You have money

Twenty-six thousand five-hundred centavitos each and every month, irrespective of the duration of that month, with seventy-two hundred cent tri-mesterly bonuses. Not too shabby, eh?

Of course it’s **c**n’ shabby. It’s jack *h**. But you know who makes less money? Most of the people who live in El Salvador.

So splurge! Take her to that fancy restaurant “Chicken Farmer” once a month. Buy her some nice roses (from that clown guy on the bus), with a nice valentine’s day card with ‘winnipoo’ on it (from that blind guy on the bus), topped of by some yummy chocolate Jewish-holiday coins (from that horribly deformed guy on the bus), and while you’re at it, grin and be grateful, because these vendors are the exact guys that lead you to have such good chances with the FHPMPCVs.

------

So, there you have it. You excited as I am? I highly doubt it. But if you’d seen what I’d seen, been where I’d been, and eaten what I’d eaten, you’d be wetting your pants with anticipation.

Guys, you very well may have the larger part of two years to fully exploit your highly advantageous situation. So stock up on condoms from Irma, Jelly from Super Selectos (of the KY variety), and, most important of all, do NOT keep it in your pants. All the beautiful FHPMPCVs in El Salvador are just dying to get to know you better.

Flat feet

2006-06-15T13:38:00.000-07:00

Amazing discovery today: running shoes with "wide" bases, for flat-footers like me! I couldn't believe I hadn't asked for them before. I guess I just figured that I would have to contort my feet to be like everyone else's. And maybe I hoped that my feet would change in the process and I could be normal.
But today, largely (I think) due to the fact that The Shoe Department had just received an enormous shipment of "wide" shoes, the shelves were stocked with 'em. And it was love/comfort at first fitting.
I'm interested to see how they feel when I run...

What I did in the Peace Corps

2006-06-15T11:21:00.000-07:00

This is my official "Description of Service" report from the Peace Corps...

3

Description of Peace Corps Service for Vishnu

Vishnu was chosen to serve as a Municipal Development Volunteer in December of 2003. Vishnu arrived in El Salvador on June 7, 2004 to begin 10 weeks of intensive training at the Peace Corps Training Center in San Vicente, El Salvador. The training focused on conducting needs assessments (20 hours), project design and management (60 hours), democracy building strategies (20 hours), Salvadoran history and governance (40 hours), language (130 hours), cultural adaptation(20 hours), and health issues (10 hours). Vishnu lived with a Salvadoran family in a small town throughout the training process and upon successful graduation was assigned to live and work with the Mayors office in Santiago de la Frontera, Santa Ana, El Salvador.

When Vishnu arrived in Santiago de la Frontera on August 20, 2004, an election had just occurred in which a new administration which had no prior experience in politics had just come into power. As a result, the new administrationwas in great need of assistance in both of the two focuses of the Municipal Development program: promoting citizen participation within the government and modernizing/increasing the efficiency of municipal services.

Citizen Participation For approximately the first ten months of service, Vishnu worked with ADESCOS (associations for community development) throughout the municipality. All of the ADESCOS that were fully functional during the old administration had become defunct when the new administration took office. Thus, before Vishnu could bring the people of the municipality back into contact with the Mayors office, he had to rebuild their associations.

For approximately 8 months, Vishnu traveled to six communities within the municipality in order to find people interested in leading the associations, who he then worked with to search for members. After finding and meeting with groups of community members (at least 25 members for each meeting in order to qualify for the legal benefits of being an association), he began working with them to write and ratify the constitution of their associations and elect their governing board (president, VP, etc.).

After each association ratified their constitution, Vishnu then set up appointments between their governing boards and the mayor, who was required to swear in the board and approve their constitution. The final step in this process was submitting the constitution and a certificate of the mayors approval of each association to the judicial branch of the central government, which would then (if nothing in each constitution was found to be in contravention of national law) give the ADESCO official sanction. At that point, each ADESCO hadthe power to open bank accounts, own property, and have a formal say in the workings of the mayors office.

Needless to say, each of the six association moved at its own pace through this process. About eight months into Vishnus service, a government project with the Agricultural Ministry began in Santiago, and part of this project was the legalization and strengthening of the very ADESCOS with which Vishnu had been working. For about two months, Vishnu worked alongside these engineers in order to bring them up to date on what he had already accomplished in each community and what was left to be done. After orienting these engineers, Vishnu decided that he could begin to address other needs of the municipalityin addition to maintaining contact with the engineers and providing support whenever necessary.

Municipal strengthening The majority of Vishnus time and effort was put into improving the functioning of the Mayors office and helping it to achieve its own objectives. The primary concern of the Mayor was the lack of funds that the office possessed to implement its priorities.

In order to address this problem, Vishnu first conducted a cost analysis of the office. By browsing through the offices books, Vishnu worked with the Treasurer in order to get a better sense of where the Mayors office money was being spent, how it was coming in, and what could feasibly be changed in order to spend more efficiently and increase revenues.

On the spending side, Vishnu found that there were two main areas in which costs could be cut relatively easily: phone bills and gasoline consumption. Many employees were using the office phone to make personal calls to cell phones, a practice which is enormously expensive in El Salvador. In addition, the office was paying a fee to theor telephone provider for an internet service which was grossly underutilized. After prohibiting the use of personal phone calls and canceling the Internet service, the office cut its phone bill by about 25%. Similarly, the offices vehicles were being used unnecessarily for travel not related to businesses, and curbing these uses led to a similar drop in the amount being spent on gasoline.

On the revenue side, Vishnu found that a large number of people were extremely behind on the payment of their taxes, many businesses were not registered and thus did not pay taxes, and many people were not being charged the full extent of what they owed in taxes when they did in fact pay them.

After meeting with the city council and presenting these problems, a multi-faceted approach was agreed upon: 1) reminders were to be sent to all citizens of the municipality who had not paid their taxes in more than three months, 2) an effort was to be made to register all businesses that were not yet registered, and 3) an impartial system was to be devised that would allow the secretary of the office to charge all citizens the full amount of what they owed in taxes.

Vishnu spearheaded the implementation of these proposed solutions. Working with the secretary, he sent out notices to people who had not paid their taxes and traveled throughout the municipality to register businesses. In addition, he created an Excel document that could be used by the secretary to calculate the full amount of taxes owed by each citizen, and this along with thereceipts kept by the Mayors office would help ensure that each was contributing that which was owed.

These efforts of the Mayors office bore much fruit. Upon receiving notification, over half of the people who owed back taxes paid, and their taxes werecalculated on the computer to ensure propriety. In addition, over twenty new small businesses were registered and thus began to pay their taxes.

In response to interest expressed by the Mayor and employees of the office, Vishnu engaged in two other main projects: 1) the creation of an ordinance protecting the environment and 2) the digitization of birth records from 1938-1960.

At the suggestion of an NGO, the Mayor became interested in implementing an ordinance that would protect the environment. This ordinance was intended to regulate deforestation, the disposal of hazardous wastes, and the construction of new properties, among other things. To begin formulating this ordinance, Vishnu obtained a copy of a similar ordinance used by another municipality and then met with local leaders in health, education, and law enforcement in order to change it to fit the specific needs of Santiago de la Frontera. After modifying the document, Vishnu met with a representative of the central government to make sure that none of the provisions in the ordinance were in conflict with national law. After meeting again with local leaders to ensure that the changes were in accordance with their desires, the ordinance went to the city council for final approval. Since therewas an election approaching, however, the mayor decided that final approval of the ordinance would have to wait to a more politically propitious time for its implementation.

After seeing the computerized version of tax calculation, the office employee became interested in digitizing a large number of birth records that were in danger of deterioration beyond reprieve. In addition, the employee was anxious to put the birth records on a computer so that it would require about a quarter of the time that it normally took for her to provide them to citizens. Vishnu worked with this employee to create a format for the digitization of birth records and then digitized approximately 5000 birth records that were in danger of being lost.

Vishnu completed his Peace Corps service on May 17, 2006

Pursuant to section 5(f) of the Peace Corps Act, 22 US.C. & 2504(f), as amended, any former Volunteer employed by the United States Government following his/her Peace Corps Service credited for purposes of Government Service.

This is to certify in accordance with Executive Order No. 11103 of April 10, 1963, that Vishnu served satisfactorily as a Peace Corps Volunteer. His service ended on May 17, 2004 and is therefore eligible to be appointed as a career conditional employee in the competitive civil service on a noncompetitive basis. This benefit under Executive Order Entitlement extends for a period of one year, except that employing agency may extend the period for up to three years for a volunteer who enters military service, pursues studies at a recognized institution of higher learning or engages in other activities which in the view of the appointing authority warrants extension of the period.

Michael Wise Bryan Dwyer
Country Director Program Manager
Peace Corps El Salvador Peace Corps El Salvador

Common Law

2006-06-14T17:54:00.000-07:00

I just finished Common Law, by Oliver Wendell HOlmes, Jr.
To be honest, it was mostly pretty interesting, with some stark exceptions (Lectures I and V jump to mind, and XI was pretty bland also). If nothing else though, I think it was good for me to read because I imagine its faults are pretty common to much legal scholarship: it's dry, arcane, uses a lot of technical language and isn't always clearly written. Also, the material at times didn't interest me.
Hopefully the lack of interest will only apply to the classes in Law School which are mandatory, and at best it won't even apply much to those. But I think the point remains: the law isn't always captivating, it often seems far-removed from life, and at times it's just exhausting.
Just gotta keep on keepin on I reckon...

Family Guy

2006-06-13T16:25:00.000-07:00

For die hard Family Guy fans, this is probably worth checking out...

afternoon naps

2006-06-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

I just can't shake the habit. I feel lazy sometimes, napping in the afternoon, but I've been doing it for years. There's nothing unhealthy about it, and I've even read that people that rest in the afternoon are more alert the rest of the day. I certainly don't think it's any worse than pumping myself full of caffeine to stay awake.
Will I be able to do this once school starts? I just don't know...

Prairie Home/takin it ez

2006-06-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

I saw Prairie Home last night, and well...I may have been biased by the New Yorker review I read about it. Just in line with what they wrote, the weakest part of the movie by far was the enormously weak story. I mean, the songs were pretty good, and some of the performances were really fun to watch. But the plot was so weak that the movie just did not hold together. Character development, suspense, arch, all completely absent. And to be honest, I found that Garrison Keillor to be rather unpleasant on the big screen.
I may have been in a bad mood because I didn't have a good lunch, and was a bit impatient/tired at the time. But still, not what I would have liked to have seen.
In other news, I'm gonna slow down my workout routines. When I first got home, I was pushing myself every day to the max, going as far as I could for as long as I could. But I really think I need to ease into it. I'm not in any rush, and I don't like being in a constant state of fatigue/pain. Also have a trip to India coming, and running lightly is probably a habit I can keep up (at least some of the time) in the sub-continent.

US Attorneys and cold showers

2006-05-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Syndicated columnist Mark Shields on the recent conclusion of the Enron trial:

MARK SHIELDS: "I think, you know, as somebody said, if [Skilling and Lay] hadn't been found guilty, it really would have been (huge) ... because, I mean, of all the countless people they hurt and were punished, whose lives were permanently damaged by these people.
We've never had a shortage, sadly, in this country of rich, greedy individuals. And these were guys in position of power who could do it.
And, I have to say, watching federal, career, government attorneys go head-to-head with $40 million defense attorneys...You know, these are civil servants. These are people who make $100,000 a year, who coach Little League teams, whose kids are in public schools. They went toe-to-toe with these guys in the $800 dollar shoes and their $2,000 suits, and they kicked their tail and they did justice.

I've been considering working with the Department of Justice, and I have to admit that this motivates me to do so, somehow.

On an unrelated note, I now take cold showers daily. When I first got home I went straight for the hot, but it just isn't working for me. It makes sense, I mean it's really hot out so cold showers feel better. But before I left for El Salvador I took hot showers without fail. It's worth noting that cold showers here aren't as cold as they were en EL Sal, which makes them bearable and even enjoyable.

One L and movies

2006-05-26T20:46:00.000-07:00

I finished reading One L, this morning I think? It's crazy that I don't remember. Yea, I'm gonna go with this morning.
Anyway, the book really freaked me out, maybe in a good way. It talked about how amazingly competitive the first year can be, with really detailed and interesting insight into how one's drive for achievement can help/hurt you in a group of incredibly talented people. Also he touched on how much work there is and how challenging the work can be (and how ambitious people deal with such situations). It was kind of a wake-up call, although it's well worth noting that law school is different than it was 30 years ago, and more than that, that Harvard and Stanford's Law School are entirely different.
...
I went to try and rent some movies tonight, and was just completely turned off by basically everything I saw. I ended up getting some Indy movies ("Me and You and Everyone We Know" and "On the Outs") because everything else just...reaked of banality. The same stories, the same actors, the same plots, it's gotta stop!

courage

2006-05-24T12:41:00.000-07:00

We often salute people who work for things that theybelieve in, regardless of all the forces against them, because they think it's the right thing to do, but rarely do we hear stories about people who work for things they don't believe in, regardless of the forces against them, because they think it's the right thing to do. I feel something like the latter as motivation to go into "corporate law." I see the amount of impact that human rights lawyers have, and I see the amount of impact that millions of dollars can have on people who live in extreme poverty in the developing world. It's hard to argue that the ideals affect more change.
Then again, it's almost impossible to live the life of a Utilitarian.
In other news, I've resolved to fight multi-tasking in my life, to try and focus on the task at hand and nothing else. After a couple days of being on wire-less internet while watching tv and talking on the phone, I just had to get away from that over-stimulation. I want to try to be more calm, relaxed and centered, and I think that slowing things down is a step in the right direction.
On that point, I've started flirting with more serious meditation lately also. I rebelled against it not too long ago in El Salvador, but I think I just needed a break. Not all lessons can be learned through meditations, and just like anything else, there are times in our lives when it is more appropriate than others. So we'll see.
Also started reading 1L by Scott Turow. First book I've read in a while, and it's decent.

Humility

2006-05-22T10:54:00.000-07:00

I was getting my final medical check up in El Salvador, when one of the staff received news that her son got a perfect score on some achievement test. She began celebrating and telling her friends, and somehow this struck me as odd. Then, almost as if to catch herself, she said to me, "Gracias a Dios." And that somehow made it ok. Yes, her son had worked hard and studied and deserved praise, but (especially in El Salvador) we can't forget about all the things that he has been given in his life. Things that other people can only imagine being lucky enough to have.

Family Guy

2006-05-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

How is it that the Family Guy movie that was made some time back was shown last night as the three-part season finale? They kept saying it was "All-new", and I didn't see any recognition that these episodes were originally released years ago as a full-length feature. It was odd...

Public Interest Law

2006-05-21T16:33:00.000-07:00

As much as I am mostly sympathetic with liberal causes and liberal "lawyering" as a field, I've come across a couple causes that I'm not as behind. It's worth noting that - were I more informed on some of these topics - I may very well change my mind.
The most prominent that's been in my mind as of late is species preservation. Now, I recognize that each and every life has some value, and that each species has special characteristics that may have special use to humans or to nature. That being said, I just can't quite demonize the extinction of species wholesale. It's happened throghout time (although possibly to a lesser extent), and I really see little inherent problem to it. Specific arguments could be made about particular species, I agree, but most of the literature I've seen tauts the preservation of species as intrinsically good and the opponents of such preservation as anti-ecology.

gmail solutions

2006-05-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

In the following two ways one can address the gmail issues I raised earlier:

1. Scroll to the bottom of the screen and click on "standard without chat". This will completely remove chat from your screen. You can reactivate it at any time by clicking on "standard with chat."

2. Just sign out of gmail chat. The next time you sign in, you will still be signed out (it doesn't automatically sign you in).

on the run

2006-05-21T11:36:00.000-07:00

There was this chain of gas stations/convenience marts called "Esso: On the Run" in El Salvador. Driving through Uniontown, PA last night I was shocked to see the same sign with "On the Run" on it. I couldn't find any info on the copmany online, but I'm still on the hunt...

Peace

2006-05-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

I used to think my parents would be happy if I married an Indian woman, that our families would be more compatible, that our traditions would be in line, that the whole operation would run smoothly.
After spending some time with my parents though, I just don't know. I guess I should've known better. Each person is a person, with their strengths, weaknesses, family histories, and life stories. Maybe, maybe an Indian woman would be more likely to appease my parents, but I think that the likelihood may be negligible. That is to say, even though my parents opinion matters a lot to me, since their happiness with my spouse will depend on a multitude of things, my best bet is probably to just find someone who is a wonderful person, irrespective of race, color or creed.

Basketball

2006-05-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

The Pistons Cavs game last night was AMAZING. Wow.
One comment: on all the highlight reels I've seen, they comment that Chauncey Billups almost tipped in James' free throw, and if that went in, the game would have went in to overtime. In all the replays, it doesn't seem to me that Billups tips the ball at all. He makes a reach for it, but I say that the Cav who was lined up next to him actually hits the ball.
Anyway, that's not that important. The Spurs-Mavs game was ok, but I was shocked to see the Spurs pull it out. They played...atrociously. I can't imagine them putting up a similar performance in Game 7 and getting away with it.
I need to get out for a run...

Atlantic Monthly

2006-05-19T15:32:00.000-07:00

Although the Atlantic's content online is usually only accessible to subscribers, to celebrate being in print for 150 years they have placed a selection of articles from their Archive online at www.theatlantic.com/ideastour/
I haven't read them all, but I love the magazine and have thoroughly enjoyed those I have gotten through.

DOS

2006-05-19T14:58:00.000-07:00

For the curious amongst you, this is the text of my Description of Service for the Peace Corps...

Description of Peace Corps Service for Vishnu

Found my passport

2006-05-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

Yes! I really thought it was swiped in NY, but it wasn't, so yay.
Not that I needed it anymore, but it does contain information that could be used to my detriment (social security #, DOB, etc.), and it doesn't expire till like 2009.
So, one thing went my way today.
On that point. I had some free time two days ago in NYC, and was not feeling great. I was tired, had just said goodbye to a lot of close friends, and had no clue what I would be doing with myself for the coming weeks. As I moped around, alone, watching groups of happy young grads prance through Broadway, on top of the world at least for that night, I was pooped.
I go into Mr. Soup, order broccoli and cheese. The guy comes back and says, "I don't have enough for an entire bowl." I figure he's trying to sell me what he has at some discount rate, but no. He's like, "Just take it man."
This made me feel great, for many reasons including I had little money on me. And honestly, I don't even think the guy was trying to be nice, per se, he just couldn't sell that soup and was going to throw it away. So he gave it to me, no big deal. But that felt nice.
Then as I walked from the subway to the Greyhound terminal, some woman just offerred to help me with my luggage. She was definitely intentionally being kind to me. It felt awesome. I certainly needed the help, but just didn't expect it I guess.
So anyway, be good to people. It can make their day.

gmail chat

2006-05-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

Although I kind of like chatting on g-mail, I feel like it brings other people into my private domain. When I sign onto some chat program, I open myself up to others seeing me and me them, so that we can talk or whatever. And there's some pressure to chat with people because "you're both online."
Now that pressure, maybe to a lesser degree, is in my inbox. If I check my mail, maybe I just want to check my mail. And not "be seen by others" and have unclear obligations to speak to others, ya know?
maybe if the chat was opt-in as opposed to opt-out...maybe there is a way to not automatically sign on when I sign in to my account...

Is public service worth it?

2006-05-18T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm not completely sure. And after doing service/working with hundreds of people doing service for years now, I'm not convinced.
Clearly, public service can be worth it individually, on a spiritual level if you will. But for me, whether or not I find it spiritually fulfilling depends on how much of a difference I can actually make.
Morally speaking, effort is important, and at least in doing public service our effort is in the right place. But lately I've been feeling like the collective efforts of all people able to doing public service just isn't enough to stem the tide of other, more powerful forces of more harmful human practices.
For instance, the environment. The growth of industy, our use of cars, the and our overconsumption all bode horribly for the future of the environment. The efforts of GreenPeace and those like them are admirable, and at least some good comes about because of them. But it very well may be true that our bad outweighs our good to an extent that the good is almost trivial.
Even if this is true, two more things are worth saying: 1. (As mentioned earlier,) trying to do good is better than doing nothing, and 2. Through our good efforts we can not only better the earth but influence other people so that, someday, we will all do good.
It is this second point that I find more and more unrealistic. I dunno, I do think that people are generally good and want to do good in their lives. But more and more, I think that there is a strict limit to how socially conscious we all can be, and how much we can all be reasonably be expected to do to make the entire world a better place. The problems that the world faces are enormous, and I'm just not sure that each and every person can or will make the personal sacrifices necessary to address them.

Sea Change

2006-05-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

Wow. I'm back in the states.
My shoulder hurts. I slept all day. I went to Columbia's graduation, where I was exactly two years ago.
So much to say, and I hope I invest the time in the coming weeks doing so.
Wow.
It's been good.

Chapelle Show

2006-04-28T18:28:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine lent me DVDs for the Chapelle show, which I've stared working my way through. I must say that I found about 80% of the sketches in the first six or so episodes aboslutely worthless. Many of them had a good 'joke', but the sketch got really old really quickly, and the entire thing could be predicted about three minutes in (a problem that I think most SNL skits have nowadays, not that I've watched in a while). But, the last two episodes were promising, and I hope that continues. Maybe it just took a while for the show to find it's groove.
Another thing I noticed (although this might just be hindsight based on Chapelle's comments about why he left the show) is that, especially in early episodes, he is really uncomfortable when he goes to commercial breaks. At first, he jokes about them, saying that he has to do fundraising for comedy central or something. In later episodes he doesn't say as much, but there's something about the way he does it that shows unease...

home cookin?

2006-04-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

Unexpetedly, one of the toughest parts of being home was eating different food. It's not that I eat Salvadorean food here that often, but I do eat basically the same meals every day, and I feel that I've established a decent balance of nutrients and vitamins.
So, being at home, although the options were multiple, I didn't know what to do. I almost didn't have an appetite, because I wasn't able to eat what I always ate at a given time of day.
Maybe in law school, I'll just have to eat basically the same sorts of things. I have no problem with that, I guess. It's just odd to think that I am that set in an eating pattern, and I may never truly break loose of it again (except for the likely addition of tofu as a protein source, which I did in college but haven't been able to do here...)
Does that make me ridiculously boring? Probably...

Personal stories

2006-04-26T18:18:00.001-07:00

In doing community service in college and in the Peace Corps, almost without fail what I hear as motivation for people's work is that they are able to help individuals. It is these personal stories that keep them going, that inspire them, that make them feel like their work is worthwhile.
I'd say similar things about the students with whom I've spoken about Public Interest law. They all seem to be excited about being able to use the law to help out people who would otherwise get passed or screwed over by the system.
I've never seemed to be able to catch this vibe. I do want to help people, but on a more systemic level. I sincerely hope that the work I do in my life benefits people, I hope an extremely large group of people, but it's just not my style to do that on a case-by-case basis. Working in government, the SEC, Department of Justice, or even on political campaigns, can affect change in the world on a higher level (although arguably less change). And that's what gets me up in the morning.
I guess there's no deep point here, each person has their ways. I guess I've just been overwhelmed that, almost to the T, each and every person I've worked with in community service/development goes for the personal stories, and I just can't join in that party...

nearing the end...

2006-04-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

So, I guess this Peace Corps thing is coming to a close. I'm not too excited about it, even though I kind of am. I always imgined I'd be jumping out of my skin to leave, but no. I was just home recently, and I have a pretty good idea of what that'll be like, which is fine. I'm ready for that, I think, and I'm ready to leave here. Should be good.
Work on getting completely back into shape (I've gotten in much better shape here, but could get better), read some more, maybe some books (haven't read many books here, when I get home from work it's not really high on my priority list), maybe write some more in depth journal entries? Think more about law school? Should be alright...
I also want to get the first two seasons of Arrested Development. Such a good show...

antinomian

2006-04-23T12:04:00.000-07:00

I have come the conclusion that, in some important sense, we ought have an antinomian approach to morality. Antinomianism, as I see it, is the belief that no moral system is inherently better than any other. We have our system, I have mine you have yours, and there is no fact of the matter as to which is more 'good,' no scale to use to measure that.
What is the difference betwen antinomianism and cultural relativism? Well, we might take cultural relativism to mean the belief that "each group of people have their own practices, and each set is as good as any other." In this form, cultural relativism would be making a positive claim whereas antinomiansim would insist on saying nothing. That is to say, whereas the relativist says that "each is equally good," the antinomian says that "there is no ultimate manner in which to evaluate the goodness of anyone's system of practices."
I do see antinomianism as a 'nicer' version of nihilism. As an antinomian, I can say that I have my own practices, and that I have certain opinions about the practices of others. I might even go as far to say that, as human beings, we generally have certain preferences about morality, and maybe those preferences should be listened to. At the same time, the essential nihilism remains, in that there is nothing that is essentially better about anyone's moral beliefs.
The simplest counter to the antinomian is that there is an ultimate judge who can arbitrate between systems of morality, namely God. And I would accept that, if God exists, then s/he likely does judge which set of practices best adheres to the Idea of "being Good."

Capote

2006-04-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

I watched Capote a couple nights ago, and I dug it. Phillip Seymour Hoffman (sp?) was mesmerizing. At some point I lost site of the plot altogether and just waited for him to speak or be on screen so that I could see him more.
Also, some time back I saw The Squid and the Whale, which I thought was fantastic for reasons entirely different from Capote. The dialogue/plot/script was just fantastic. So believable, so interesting, and so disturbing. I'm not saying I was crazy with the ending, but maybe if I watched it again I'd understand it better.

happier?

2006-04-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just wonder to myself, "what do these people need?" On the one hand, it's obvious: cleaner drinking water, more job opportunities, easier access to health care, better schools. On another level though, it seems like they have everything that anyone could ever want: close-knit family, enough to eat, basically good health, things to do for fun.
I guess it's "standard of living" vs. "quality of living" debate. The surprising thing to me is that, after so much time here, I still haven't made much progress on figuring out where I stand on the issue. In a sense, I think it's because it's like comparing apples and oranges. The fact that the people here are pretty content ought have no bearing on whether or not their general plight be considered lamentable. People can accustom themselves to a lot of desperate situations, but we still should try to minimize how often those situations obtain.

self confidence

2006-04-22T18:19:00.000-07:00

I think that two factors contribute to me not having that much self-confidence in most social situations: 1. I generally try to be humble, recognizing the influence that other people, luck, and my priviledge have had on how I turned out, and 2. I generally feel like an outsider with most people. For most of my life I've been different from most others first and foremost because of the color of my skin/culture, and at least until college because of my interests/beliefs.
So, maybe something I'll work on is just being ok with who I am. Of course I am ok with myself, but I think I need to apply that comfort in order to be a bit more assertive around other people, speak up more often maybe.
I guess one last thing that keeps me quiet and non-participatory in most social situations is that, in some really important way, I don't like the topics of most conversations. I dunno how else to put it, except that I think that silence/calmness is more prevalent in people whose company I enjoy. Valuing not speaking more than speaking but saying nothing.

i'm back

2006-04-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

in El Salvador. Just got back to my site after some Close of Service medical examinations. It's definitely true that the first day back is the toughest. Have to get back in the vibe, the way things go around here.
It is hot, really hot. It's been pretty humid too, whichis not pleasant. Looks like rainy season is on its way.
I was just notified that I received a Public Interest Scholarship to Penn Law, which is great. I'm just not sure I cangive up my Stanford dream for it. Not that my Stanford dream was thoroughly grounded in fact or reason, it was just kind of there. And it is so late to be trying to reconsider this, and I didn't even get a chance to visit the school.
We'll see, we'll see. Hope I get out and run today...and finish unpacking...

2006-04-13T18:35:00.000-07:00

there should be more to say, right? it's been so long...
well, i'm in the states now, visiting some schools. Actually had an interview for this scholarship at NYU, which I eventually was not offered.
I guess, some preliminary thoughts on how my time in the Peace Corps will affect me: 1. I feel more inspired to be a good person, to study hard, to take care of myself so that I'll be able to do the most I can for society (in the way that I deem best). 2. I also have a feeling that I just don't quite 'fit in' around here, that I'm an alien nowadays. That I was abducted for a while, at least with respect to what 'everyone else' has been doing. Just a sort of...distance between us, maybe?
It's like I went to Brokeback Mountain, but for two years. It's been beautiful, but very isolating, introspective...

yea, I know

2006-04-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

it's been a while, once again.
I just got back from a run. Felt great.
Looks like I'll be at Stanford Law next year, which is amazing. I still don't believe that I got in. I'm not just saying that either, I really don't think I got in. But I'll be attending nonetheless in the hope that no one's the wiser.
Bout time to be closing up this Peace Corps thing. Not sure how I'll feel about that. Lot of changes goin on.
But maybe I'll be better about this blog, so I can explore and chart my tentative thoughts on LCD...

My God

2005-12-22T17:08:00.001-08:00

Taken from the Online Newshour's story about the recent ruling in PA that Intelligent Design cannot be taught in the classroom...

"MARGARET WARNER: (In the ruling, the judge) accuses some of the members of the school board of actually lying. What was he referring to?

LAURIE GOODSTEIN: Right. He said that two members of the school board had tried to cover up their motive, that they had religious motives, and that they in part lied about how the textbooks, "Pandas and People" textbooks came to be in the high school library.
The truth was that they had raised money in a church. And one of the school board members had then kind of laundered the money through his father who purchased the textbooks and put them in the high school library.
And they had not been honest in their depositions. And the judge made a point of saying that he thought it was ironic that people who, you know, said they had religious motives would lie on the stand."

This is craziness. Lying under oath man, something that I think few of us take seriously enough...

my thoughts exactly

2005-12-22T17:08:00.000-08:00

This quote is from another New Yorker article: http://www.newyorker.com/fact/content/articles/051226fa_fact

"Pullman enjoys striking a tone of melancholy resolve. He continued, “But that doesn’t mean we should give up and surrender. . . . I think we should act as if. I think we should read books, and tell children stories, and take them to the theatre, and learn poems, and play music, as if it would make a difference. . . . We should act as if the universe were listening to us and responding. We should act as if life were going to win. . . . That’s what I think they do, in the School of Morals. And Miss Goddard’s portrait hangs on the classroom wall.”

I feel like I strongly agree with what he's saying. I feel like, even if we don't subscribe to the belief that "the good will triumph in the end," we should act as if it was going to, which is to say, we should fight for what we feel is good and right in the world. Maybe we'll lose, we probalby will, but hey, we should play it as if we can change things, because, hey, ya never know right?

brilliant

2005-12-21T17:14:00.000-08:00

This article in the New Yorker is just, a delight.

http://www.newyorker.com/talk/content/articles/051226ta_talk_hertzberg

I picked out two of my favorite quotes, the first because of its clever understatement, and the second because it is hilarious, but you should definitely read the article first...

"Ford’s anti-Semitism has not aged well, thanks to the later excesses of its European adherents, but by drawing a connection between Christmasbashing and patriotism-scorning he pointed the way for future Christmas warriors."

"The enemy’s strategy, the Birchers warned, was to aim at the soft underbelly and shake it like a bowlful of jelly."

The Wire

2005-12-20T17:40:00.000-08:00

Just started season 3, looks real promising.
The one thing that came to mind though is that there are few shows about other types of less glamorous poverty. Not even that there are many shows out there about urban poverty/drug culture. But for what it's worth, I've seen little to no shows/movies addressing the povery of farmers, or southern poverty in states like MIssissippi. I guess that Roger and Me was about the poverty of factories shutting down and the sort, which is worth noting...

la mujer de mi hermano

2005-12-19T06:06:00.000-08:00

Just saw this movie yesterday. It was a bit slow-moving, but to be fair I probably missed out on some of the subtleties of the dialogue, given that it was in Spanish. I could understand most of it mind you, it's just that I doubt I was very sensitive to the various plays on words / well phrased interchanges that took place. What I did like about it though was that there were no good/bad guys; each character had his/her flaws, made mistakes, and was in some way good also. That's how I like to look at things...

Arrested Development

2005-12-15T20:03:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite, favorite things about the show Arrested Development is that there is no canned laugh tracks. It just adds a sense of maturity to the show, I feel, like the show isn't trying too hard. I laugh if and when I feel it's appropriate, not when I am goaded to by other people's recorded voices. Somehow I feel like the show is treating me like an adult or something...it's nice.

Two linguistic observations

2005-12-15T20:03:00.000-08:00

1. The linguistic construction "I did X, not because Y, but because Z" does not imply that Y is false, simply that Y was not the cause of X. This may seem simple enough, but there is a strong hint to the contrary in colloquial usage. For instance, "John went to the store, not because he was hungry but because he wouldn't be able to any other day of the week." Upon reading this, we (at least I) get the sense that John, in fact, was not hungry. In fact, I might even go so far as to say that John himself may mean to say that he wasn't hungry, even though that fact is not contained within the implication of his statement.

2. I wish I knew the proper terminology here. When we are asking which "homologue" (?) a speaker means in a sentence, the first word is ambiguous (maybe just a placeholder of sorts). For instance, in the exchange:
A: "Jane's going too."
B: "To where?"
A: "She's going too. The 'TOO' with two O's."

This is kind of irrelevant I guess, but I'm feeling that the underlined word in that sentence is somewhat of a linguistic oddity. It could have just as easily been written as "to", maybe even "two," because what's being referred to is not the word itself in any of its particular meanings, but instead the sound which all the words share.
Yea.

the wire

2005-12-06T17:58:00.001-08:00

Just finished watching Season 2, all in all good stuff. It was interesting to learn more about International Drug Trafficking. Season One was probably a little better, episode for episode, but still high quality stuff all the way. Looking forward to Season 3...maybe after a little pause.

Business for people's sake?

2005-12-06T17:58:00.000-08:00

I don't know where I read about this, probably in the Economist online, but it was interesting nonetheless. It was talking about how there's a law in country X that grocery stores can't charge below market price for any of their goods, and the source was lamenting that this was ultimately harmful to consumers. This is in one sense clearly true, consumers have to pay more for the products they buy, assuming that it would be in some company's interests at some time to charge less than market price.
But, ultimately, might it be better that the consumer pay that price? Maybe by charging under market price, a large company could run a smaller one out of business (one that couldn't afford to undercharge). In the long run, maybe the guaranteed competition is a good thing. I guess it's an empirical question more than anything else.

Work things

2005-12-06T17:57:00.000-08:00

I guess it's been a while since I talked about work, so here goes.
I think the most exciting development is that the local government put funds in next year's budget for the computer project. "The computer project" entails the mayor's office buying about 40 computers, which will then be distributed to all the schools in the municipality. Each school has agreed to use part of their budget to hire a teacher to give basic computer classes to their kids at least once a week.
So yea, if that goes through, that should be great. Most of these kids have never had a computer class in their life, or even touched a computer for that matter. Should be a good experience for them I think.
Also, another thing that happened today that was nice. I had went throughout the municipality some time back to find all the stores and businesses that hadn't registered officially with the mayor's office (and thus hadn't been paying taxes). I spent about two months doing this 'recorrido,' but when I turned in my final list, nothing happened. I assumed that, I dunno, there were political reasons for the list not being actualized, or that someone with more authority had to do what I had tried to do. I just let it slide as it was, because I had put as much effort into it as I could at the time, and I couldn't take it any further on my own.
Today, for whatever reason, I decided to bring up the issue again. I figured that if more authority was needed, I'd tried to arrange for that. I was told that the only thing lacking was the imprimatur of the Mayor, which he promptly gave it. I dunno, maybe it just got lost in the files. Also, we have a new Mayor now, so that could be another reason why it went easier.
Good that it happened though, I feel. More taxes for the municipality....

My God

2005-12-03T18:47:00.000-08:00

This is an excerpt of the New York Review of books (http://www.nybooks.com/articles/18565). It just struck me as, like, wow, I don't even know how to put it. Sometimes, people have tough lives I guess:

"Angie's parents both worked steadily, but her life at home was difficult. Her father was alcoholic, violent, and promiscuous. Her mother was devout and wanted the children to succeed in school, but she tried to keep them in line by punishing them physically. When Angie was twelve, her parents divorced. After her mother remarried, Angie resented her new stepfather, moved to her father's house, and started smoking marijuana. She also met Greg, who became the love of her life. In eleventh grade she became pregnant, dropped out of school, went on welfare, and moved in with Greg. She and Greg had two more children but never married.

When crack cocaine hit Chicago, Greg became a dealer. Then one of his friends asked him for help getting even with some men who had beaten him up. Another friend found some guns, and despite Angie's objections Greg joined the posse. When his friends started shooting, they accidentally killed a fourteen-year-old bystander, Kathryn Miles. The prosecutor offered Greg a light sentence if he would testify against his friends, but despite Angie's pleas Greg refused to do so. He was sentenced to sixty-five years. Without Greg's earnings, Angie was in serious financial trouble, and a few months later, in September 1991, she moved to Milwaukee, where rents were lower and welfare benefits higher.[4] Despite using birth control, she had a fourth child two years later, with a man whom she had already stopped seeing by the time she learned she was pregnant."

Almost reminds of that scene in the first Austin Powers in which Dr. Evil describes his youth...

He wasn't even here

2005-12-03T18:46:00.001-08:00

Something came to mind today that I meant to write about.
The woman who I live with's computer was damaged in some way (some time back), and she got it into her mind that I damaged it (Lord knows why I would even think of doing that, but that's another story). Anyway, this gets around town, and my counterpart (who doesn't like the woman I live with) says in my defense that I wasn't even in town, so I couldn't have done it.
Now, I was happy that my counterpart stood up for me and all, but it struck me as odd that she used the tactic that she did. I mean, I was in town, I was in the house, which I guess is part of the reason that I was a suspect. My counterpart knew I was in the house too, so, I dunno, it was odd. I guess it was her way of portraying my housemate as completely unreliable, when in this case the housemate was simply wrong.

Spicin it up

2005-12-03T18:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I put Palak Paneer on some rice. It was good.
Disturbing also. While I was in the states, I bought these vaccuum sealed packs of flavorful Indian food. They're about as good as you might expect, but somehow it feels...wrong. There in this grey bag. I don't even have to refrigerate them until I open them. It's weird. But tasty.

Why?

2005-12-02T18:29:00.000-08:00

I told my co-workers today that I was going to try to start running again because I had put on some weight. My favorite secretary turned to me and said, "Why do you want to be so skinny?"
Damn good question. I mean, I'm not obese at this point, and maybe I was (by standards here at least) "skinny" when I arrived. If only I could communicate to them that where I come from we have unhealthy unrealistic ideas about 'average' body size, are obsessed with our figures, and oftentimes assume that only skinny, young, gorgeous people can ever truly be happy.
Here in El Salvador, where I live at least, almost everyone but the kids have a belly, and that doesn't even bother them! Some people even find this attractive!These people, how silly they can be.

Cultural impositions

2005-12-01T17:24:00.001-08:00

As much as I always thought I was strong enough to chart my own path in life, to do what I felt was best in any given situation regardless of societal perception, I realize now that I'm far from that.
Just this morning, I wanted to go for a run but was immediately assailed with the thoughts that had kept me running for some time now: "People don't run for exercise here, it's weird. Everyone is going to look at you and point."
These feelings can be really powerful, and can sometimes keep volunteers from leaving their houses altogether. It's really tough to walk around when people are scrutinizing your every move, and even more difficult to do things that you know will make you stand out beyond the fact that you are a foreigner.
But, ya know what, I went for a run today. I hope to go for a run tomorrow. I hope I'll have that strength, that I won't become overwhelmed and beaten down by daily life here...

Double Standard, pt. 2

2005-12-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

Maybe the point at which a double standard becomes unfair is when they impede self-expression. For instance, what might make the double standards about women's sexuality unfair is that many women want to break the standard, and doing so brings upon them much malign. So it's unfair, because it's a social disincentive for them to self-expression.
I guess you could make the same point about the double standard about wearing skirts. On the face of it, it doesn't seem so bad, but men who do express themselves through wearing women's clothes aren't socially accepted, and thus maybe it's unfair.
Also, I guess some double standards are easier to break than others. In fact, it seems that breaking some standards is looked upon highly. For instance, men who are affectionate with their children aren't frowned upon, even though females are generally thought of as the 'affectionate ones.'

How to feel better

2005-11-28T10:25:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I feel like I haven't lived up to the standards that I set for myself, that I haven't achieved enough, that who I am isn't that special or worthwhile.
I'm sure we all have these thoughts. I've found a way out of all of this thinking: I just remember that I couldn't have been anything else, that my life could not have played out any differently than it has, and that it's essentially not my fault that things are the way they are.
Granted, this ties fundamentally into my views on not having free will (in a certain sense), but I think it could be explained even without my that controversial assumption using something like the following methods:
Method one: Things happen the way God wanted them to. I am what God made me, and my life will play out according to his will. Fighting God is futile, and thus I should accept and be happy with who I am, flaws and all, because that's just the way things are.
Method two: There are many things in my life that I can't control. I can try my hardest, but whether or not I succeed in almost any endeavor inextricably depends on a multitude of factors over which I have little to no influence. As long as I have made good faith efforts at all times to make my life the best that it could be, it's pointless to dwell on things that haven't gone my way.
My thinking is much closer to the second way of thinking, but with an important difference: I feel that whether or not you 'try your hardest' is ultimately not in your control either. Better put, you are not ultimately responsible for not only the consequences of your actions, but also your actions themselves.
Why is that? Well, because I feel that all of your actions are ultimately determined by factors outside of your control. Genes, environment, causal chains, protein interactions, you can't control any of that. Although there are important sense in which you do control your actions and your 'self,' I believe that at the end of the day, the 'ultimate' 'first' causes of your actions are out of your hands, and I believe that there's no real changing that.
Anway, the real point here is not whether I'm right or wrong. All I'm saying is that, when you don't believe in free will in the sense that I don't, you never really should feel too bad about yourself because, well, things are the only way that they can be, and that includes you.

body image

2005-11-27T21:31:00.000-08:00

Sure, I've put on a couple pounds. Funny how that never really became clear to me until I got to the States.
Possible explanations: 1. There are many, big mirrors in this house. They are everywhere, in every bathroom, even in bedrooms. In El Salvador not so much.
2. People on TV, commercials, movies, all thin. The people I see in life aren't like that, per se. But the role models are there.
3. Culture - people talk a lot about eating here. And being thing. Thankfully, many also talk about being healthy, which is a nice change I guess.
On a somewhat unrelated note, one thing I did not miss about the states: attitude. People at the airport, restaurants, bank tellers, so many of these people in service jobs just treat customers like crap. Like I've commited some grave injustice for asking for their services. Granted, their jobs probably are thankless, but still. It's just horribly unpleasant, and jarring coming from a small town in which courtesy is the norm, and over-the-top friendliness is expected. (to be fair, in smaller towns in the states I think it's noticeably different)...

Double standard

2005-11-27T21:22:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading The Kite Runner, and it was a good read. Quick, painless, entertaining. The only thing that bothered me, I guess, was his characterization of why it was so tough to be a woman in Afghan-culture. It wasn't a main point in the book, but he taps into an argument that I feel is used pretty often, so it bothered me more.
What he said was that there's the "double standard" for women when it comes to sex, that a woman can't go around having relations with men she desires, but men can have whatever relations they please.
Now, yes this is a double standard, in that a different standard of behavior is applied to each gender. But I don't think that the 'badness' of this practice, whatever it may be, derives from being a double standard. In El Salvador, women can play with babies and be affectionate, but men can't. That's a double standard. Is that bad also? Or that women can wear skirts and bras, but men can't? Is that also unjust?
Maybe. Maybe we should just let each person express him or herself according to what s/he feels, without respect to gender, race, class, and whatnot. It's certainly a nice thought...

one more try

2005-11-27T21:10:00.000-08:00

I think I'm gonna give this blog another shot.
Right not, I'm home for the Thanksgiving holidays. I love wirelesshigh-speed internet. I actually forgot my wireless card. Luckily, we have this mini-antennas that connect to USB ports, so after downloading the driver and installing it, I was in business.
I'm watching the Chapelle show right now. I have an interesting story to tell, even though the fact I'm telling it betrays a certain principle, but I'll close with that.
So, in New York I frequented the Comedu Cellar. Among the variety of special guests that stop by from time to time, I had seen Dave Chapelle about three times, the most recent time being in early April. One large difference between the earlier Chapelle routines I had seen and his April show was that, in April, his perspective was much bleaker. He went on a rant (not particularly funny) about how our culture was stupid because we worship celebrities, how fame was actually empty, how he was just an ordinary guy even though so many people insisted on treating him as some sort of deity.
I would have just left it at that, I guess, but later on in El Salvador I got word that he had fled from his commitments at Comedy Central with no explanation. Then, now that I'm home, I read this article in the Times online that many speculate he left because of a general disillusionment with his life, that he went to Africa for a spiritual reawakening of some sort.
Anyway, I guess I felt like I had some sort of insider perspective on his leaving, but that's just the point, isn't it? I don't know anything about the man, but just because he's a celebrity I spend a whole blog talking about the scant evidence I possess that may slightly explain his actions. Worshipping fame is bad, I will say. The Chapelle show is pretty funny though...

little tasks

2005-09-16T18:43:00.002-07:00

This is the first 'El Salvador' posting I've done in a while, I know.
Living alone in a community with no one who 'understands' you brings many challenges, one of which for me has been being a 'handyman.' Granted, I could try to find people to do little tasks that I've never done before, but I figure I should try to learn to do these things myself.
The task for the day: changing my ceiling lightbulb. This sounds simple, but it's not a lightbulb as much as a florescent (sp?) lamp. And it's on my ceiling, which is far away. Also, the kicker was that I wasn't sure if the problem was that the lamp burned out or whether the apparatus was broken (as many apparti are in this house).
So I hunt myself down a florescent lamp, which they have gracias a dios. Then come back and build myself a contraption that will sturdily support me reaching the ceiling, figure out florescent lamps get placed in this apparatus, then hit the switch. Result? Success!
Another task I did the other day which made me feel special was troubleshooting this program that's necessary to fill out online applications for law school. The problem was that the application didn't find the right folder in Mozilla in which to install itself (plugins). So when that worked out what was nice also.
I'm building strong and growing.

rule of law?

2005-09-16T18:43:00.001-07:00

I just read the transcript of the fourth day of testimony in Judge Roberts' confirmation hearings (which were fascinating, maybe because I'm interested in going to law school). One quote stuck out at me. When Judge Roberts was responding to a question as to whether he would defend anyone who contracted him, or whether there were certain ideas he coldn'st stomach to represent. He says:

" 'You're going to take the side of whomever comes in the door first.' I think that's a disparaging way to capture what is, in fact, an ennobling truth about the legal system: that lawyers serve the rule of law, above and beyond representing particular clients."

That sounds intense. I mean, it sounds proper, it sounds like the right thing to do. To have allegiance to the consitution, and do what it says as opposed to what your heart might lead you to do. (Of course, I doubt that it's clear exactly what the Constitution dictates we do in every case, but it's still a nice thought.)

self-critique, pt. 2

2005-09-16T18:43:00.000-07:00

I think that as a correlate of my heavy self-criticism I am deeply critical of others. I don't mean 'critical' with any negative connotations; I simply mean I look very closely at what others do and say and analyze that content. Although with myself the critique is much deeper and informative, the critique of others plays an important role in my life. Even with respect to people I think the best of, which are very few, I could list off plenty of things that I feel aren't ideal about them or might use improvement.
I think Gandhi's writings influenced me on this point. As much of a saint I thought/think he was, he would never describe himself as a 'good' person. Nor would he characterize others as 'bad.' In fact, he was a biting critic of himself, to the point of feeling guilty for what we usually think of as minor indiscretions (impure thoughts about woman, etc.). Although I'm not much of a proponent of guilt, I seem to fundamentally agree with Gandhi's point of evaluating oneself and other people...

how much does it matter to you

2005-09-13T18:27:00.000-07:00

From Newsweek International August 22 article on the Gaza pullout:

"Writer Alona Kimchi, who immigrated with her parents from Soviet Ukraine in 1970, describes herself as "tragically secular". She...finds herself envying the settlers..."they're always so passionate...what can you belong to being secular? What big idea?...It's very difficult to get passionate about anything."

This seems like a fair comment to be made about secularism. And nihilism for that matter. Because, well, things don't matter 'that much.' There is an entire level of significance that events don't have to me that I imagine they have to other people. For instance, when people live morally bankrupt lives, to some people it means that they are going to hell to be punished for eternity. For me though, I mean, my fate is theirs in all relevant ways. No one says I'll be happier than them or vice versa, that I'll achieve more, that I'll understand deeper truths than them. At the end of the day, we're one and the same.
Which doesn't mean that I'm not passionate about anything of course. Maybe I just see my passion as being limited in its extent of application. That is to say, I might get really worked up about certain issues, but I won't push it to the extent of insisting that I'm right and other people are wrong. I just feel passionately about certain things is all...

Self-critique

2005-09-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

I think it's really important to be heavily self-critical. To really look at the things you do and be ruthlessly honest about what is good and bad about them.
I think self-appraisal can be so much deeper than others appraisal (or at least a good complement) because you have priviledged access to all relevant information. You know your intentions, you know your history, you know your thoughts. You can put on a show for the world, trick them, present yourself in a glowing light, but at the end of the day you know what you're about.
I guess part of this came to mind as I was watching Law & Order the other night. In a courtroom, you are judged on what evidence there is about whether a crime was committed. If we are skeptics, we can view criminal defense strategy as presenting the best spin on whatever is damaging about the evidence and telling a story about what, "for all we know", very well may have happened.
But neither side in the confrontation in the courtroom has truth as their ultimate goal. It's about winning the case.
Anyway, so the parallel here ought NOT be the following: we look at the things we do and think of ourselves in the best possible way. We ought not look at our actions as material to weave into the most flattering self-narrative we can imagine. Instead, I think it's worthwhile to explore in what ways we have gone wrong, that we continue to go wrong, and honestly, the ways in which the things we do are sometimes wholly unjustifiable.

hilarious

2005-09-08T18:18:00.000-07:00

Quote from from The Economist about Japan's upcoming elections:

"Instead of allowing central bureaucrats, construction lobbies, doctors and postmasters to hold government policy hostage, most voters would prefer the government to pay attention to the core issues—pensions, health care, schools, police and so on—that they have been worrying about, and which politicians in other democracies do at least pretend to address."

Maybe it's funnier in the context of the whole article. I guess it might be not that funny at all ("at least pretend to address." Classic).

Amazin Amazon

2005-08-30T19:33:00.001-07:00

I ordered The Conquest of Cool (by Thomas Frank) from Amazon on Thursday. I am in El Salvador. The book arrived today.
Amazon estimated it would arrive September 27. Maybe El Salvador's postal system is fantastic...

Great quote about Nietzsche

2005-08-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

"One must greet an ultimately meaningless and painful life not only with equanimity but with joy. No reason exists that might justify such comportment. Indeed, it is precisely the absence of any rational justification that makes for the heroic and ultimately tragic nature of Nietzsches solution."

Philosophy is hard

2005-08-30T19:32:00.002-07:00

I picked up this collection of philosophical essays "The Nature of Mind" last night, feeling a longing for some analytic philosophy that my time El Salvador hasn't provided much time for. Man, what a headtrip. The material was fantastic, but so dense, complicated, each sentence (at times each word) worthy of reflection. It wasn't the light reading like Newsweek International that I'd been plowing through as of late. To read this stuff, I'd need to have a good night's sleep, some complex carbs and time to burn.
I should make time for myself like that though, I miss philosophy.

changing the tide

2005-08-30T19:32:00.001-07:00

I had a really inspirational conversation with the girl I tutor in math the other day. One characteristic of Salvadorean culture is that things are put off till the last minute and done in a rush (if at all). Last semester this girl's study habits pretty well conformed to that pattern. One or two days before her exams she would call me and be like, "I don't understand anything! Help!" And I'd do what I could, but much of the stuff required an understanding that we couldn't sufficiently establish in a day or two of cramming.
This semester though, this girl has been on top of things. Doing her work (math work at least) well ahead of time, seeking out more practice exercises when necessary, really awesome stuff. We met last weekend, one full week before her exam, to start reviewing things to see if she was alright. There were some things that she wasn't quite strong with, but we have a whole week to make progress on that stuff and seek out further help if necessary.
So cool. That's my style...

catty

2005-08-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

Quote from recent New Yorker article about the way in Iraq:

"The chilling truth is that no one really knows what to do. No one knows whether the consequences of withdrawal, quick or slow, would be worse or better—for Iraq and for the “war on terror” of which, willy-nilly, it has become a part—than the consequences of “staying the course.” It is a matter of judgment, and the judgment that will count, more chilling still, is that of George W. Bush."

Girlfight!

PS. I realize that I don't hyperlink referenced websites, as would be 'good form' as a blogger. Since my internet connection is slow and expensive, I generally compose my posting offline. I'll try do hyperlink whenever I can, and ask your understanding in the meantime.

Health is wealth

2005-08-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

My mother says. And like most things mothers say, it's true in the simplest of ways.
I had gone so long without exercising, a spell I broke this afternoon. It's ridiculous how much better I feel right now. I mean ridiculous because it's not like my life situation is any better than it was beforehand, so why should I feel any better about it? No rational reason, per se. But things just seem rosier, easier to deal with, more managable.
I guess if we take the basis of feelings/emotional states as chemical, which of course it is, then being in good health is another way of saying that your chemicals are in a better state. Not too complicated really. But it does seem somehow unromantic that how I feel about life isn't determined by how my life is, but isntead by the hormones I have flowing around at the moment.

Nietzsche my man

2005-08-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

I was reading this review of a recent biography of Nietzsche in Harper's when I came across this quote:
"Nietzsche was a lover of live but a hater of most of us who live it because we did not - do not - live it properly, fully, with apropriate abandonment, with delight and with mastery the way a dancer may leap and spin and even look askance, exulting in her total control of eyelash and limb."
In this quote I see a really nice encapsulation of what somethings I dig and connect with in Nietzsche.
First, the point of loving life but hating most people who live it. Granted, hate is a very strong word, too strong in this context, but I've often felt a tension between how much beauty I see in life and how bothered I am by how a lot of people act. Maybe this is a common feeling, I'm not sure.
The other point I like is of living life with 'abandonment and delight.' This ties into this other Nietzsche quote I have which I'll dig out and post at some point, but the basic idea is that, although life essentially has no meaning, the heroic thing to do is embrace it and love it as it is. I find that compelling, because I do think that loving life ("delight") is probably the best way to go, even though I heartily reject attempts at larger meaning/morality ("abandon").

good enough, part 2.

2005-08-11T19:08:00.001-07:00

I feel like capitalism's drive to continually perfectly satisfy our (material) desires leads us to develop unhealthy approaches to life.
I'm sure the analogy is obvious, but I'll discuss it anyway. I imagine that part of settling down with a romantic partner is 'tolerance.' No matter how lucky we get, there will always be things about our partner that aren't perfect, that annoy us, that we wish were different, that aren't ideal. But insofar as in every other aspect of our lives we are accustomed to getting exactly what we want (or at least continually trying), I think we're ill-equipped to say that what we have is 'good enough' and make due. This can easily lead to never-ending lack of satisfaction with our partner (and job, and house) because we're always looking for something better and, unlike the market for cereals, in these domains we have a lot tougher time 'upgrading.'
Another thing that I think comes out of the 'consumerist' mentality is laziness. If we have enough money, we can always pay someone to do things for us, or get ourselves technology to minimize our physical/emotional workload. But, as far as I can see, relationships take a lot of work, tough, annoying work. If we think that if things aren't easy then they're bad, I think we'll be in a lot of trouble when it comes to not only relationships but a lot of things (executing large projects, working for social justice, etc.)
All in moderation I guess...

out the window

2005-08-11T19:08:00.000-07:00

I was reading this article article about law school rankings when I came across this harrowing passage:

"Among the various rankings criteria, undergraduate grade point averages (10 percent) and scores from the Law School Admission Test (12.5 percent) play a crucial role. That compromises student diversity, says Jeffrey E. Stake, a co-organizer of the symposium and a law professor at Indiana University, Bloomington. "Service to the country in Iraq or in the Peace Corps goes out the window," he says."

Half of me was elated to see mention of the Peace Corps in the Times. The rest of me was sad for what the article was actually saying...